Charisma… God given gift, or can it be taught?

As we are all watching the Presidential race the single most used term to describe Trumps character is charisma.   So the question begs to be asked. In the race to become the leader of our great nation, is charisma a factor?  Can you be taught charisma, or is it a God given gift?

If you want to be effective as a manager, politician, parent, or a leader, it helps to have a little bit of that X-factor leadership quality, charisma.

Charismatic leaders appear in our society whenever there is a need for some common unity, like a war or natural disaster. By using what comes natural to them, it allows them to motivate a group of people to go the proverbial extra mile for the common good. That is charismatic powers. There is no need to look back to the days of Moses, simply look at Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela.  Now look at Donald Trump today, as he is having the entire GOP follow him in the issues of our nation.

So do you have what it takes? If not don’t worry, because you can train it to some extent. Although charisma is a God given trait, charismatic leadership can actually be taught. Recent research conducted by a team of scientists led by John Antonakis from the University Lausanne Business School, shows that training managers a specific set of charismatic leadership tactics improves their charisma, and thus, their effectiveness as leaders.

So, what skills were being trained? Here are highlights of a paper I recently staged for a team of managers. Three months later the production of their sales teams increased 28 percent.

Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:

1. They listen way more than they talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond, not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

That’s all it takes to show the other person they’re important.

Only speak when you have something important to say, and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. They don’t practice selective hearing.

Some people, I guarantee you know people like this, are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.  They listen just to respond.

Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn’t make a sound in the forest, because there’s no one actually listening.

Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or “level,” feel like we have something in common with them.

Because we do: We are all people.

3. They put their stuff away.

Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment.

You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting with your stuff, too.

Give the gift of your full attention. That’s a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. They give before they receive—and often they never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

5. They don’t act self-important…

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

People that count are not impressed. If they have substance they get irritated, put off, and uncomfortable. And we hate when you walk in the room.

6. …Because they realize other people are more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.

That stuff is not important, because it’s already yours. You can’t learn anything from yourself.

But you don’t know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don’t know.

That makes them a lot more important than you… Because the are people you can learn from.

7. They shine the spotlight on others.

No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.

Wait, you say you don’t know what they did well?  Shame on you–it’s your job to know. It’s your job to find out ahead of time.  Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they’re doing.

8. They choose their words.

The words you use impact the attitude of others.

You don’t have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.

We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves, and make you feel better about yourself, too.

9. They don’t discuss the failings of others…

Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.

The problem is, we don’t necessarily like–and we definitely don’t respect–the people who dish that dirt.

Don’t laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

10. …But they readily admit their failings.

Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they’re successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

Keyword is seem.  You don’t have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.  But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.  Be humble. Share your screw-ups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.  While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.  People won’t laugh at you. People will laugh with you.  They’ll like you better for it–and they’ll want to be around you a lot more.

Try some of these habits on for size and see the results immediately.